i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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