so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
