I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
