he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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