Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
