hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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