ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is Oprah even human
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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