hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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