Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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