apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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