we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
