Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
