he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
