i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
