My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
