first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize