Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
