dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
