return my video game
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
