I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
