Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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