i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
