Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
