Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
