Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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