and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
