dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize