Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
