i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
