Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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