The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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