i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
