So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
