I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
