i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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