Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
