those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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