This is not my ceiling
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
