i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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