i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
