he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
