im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
