We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize