I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
