mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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