Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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