The maid of honor just puked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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