Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
