can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
