I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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