I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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