They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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