Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
