Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
