College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
