eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
