Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
