it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
