She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
