seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
