I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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