Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
