If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
