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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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