'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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