Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
